By Crash
(As told to Chuck Malloy)
Pssst! My name is Crash and I am the owner of Simply Cats, Boise’s premier cageless, no-kill, feline adoption center.
OK, I don’t own the facility. That would require money, and I have no idea what money is – unless it’s measured in catnip. But I do run the place, with staff people and a medical team responding to my every Meow. For my hard work, I get regular meals, a soft place to sleep and my litter box scooped daily.
That’s the least they can do for someone of my stature.
Yes, I am a celebrity – and I’m sure you have heard of me. Two years ago, I received the coveted Cadbury Bunny, which in my world is akin to sweeping a half a dozen Oscars in one night. Maybe I can get my paw prints on the Walk of Fame. Some of my friends have nicknamed me “Hollywood,” but I’m not sure I like that. “Hollywood Crash” sounds like a box-office flop, and I don’t want anything to do with flops – unless I’m about to get a belly rub.
But my life hasn’t always been about fame and glory. In 2018, when I was not even a year old, I was hit by a car and left on the side of a road. The director of Simply Cats saw me there, not knowing if I was even alive. I wasn’t sure myself. I lost my right eye and suffered a broken jaw and right arm. Thank goodness for nine lives! And good doctors, too.
Today, I’m as fit as a cat on a hot tin roof. I found my forever home at Simply Cats and my winning personality promotes all the good things that we do.
Every kitty here has a story, and some are sad. Buddy’s owner moved away and left him abandoned on a neighborhood street. Gerald was found near the foothills, tired and hungry. Nobody knows where he came from. Chum’s owner moved to a long-term care facility. Strix’s loving mom died unexpectedly, turning his life upside-down.
Simply Cats shelters about 50 cats at one time, and more when kitten season is in full bloom. The younger ones are sent to one of our many loving foster homes until they are old enough to be spayed or neutered. Foster care is kind of like a boot camp for kitties, without a drill instructor yelling, “I CAN’T HEEAAR YOU!”
We have the adoption process down to a science, at least as scientific as herding cats can get. It’s not a matter of coming in, picking out a cat and taking it home. We do our best to match a cat with the customer’s personality, and there are several categories (get it?) to choose from. With a “personal assistant,” it’s all paws on deck. They’ll be with you when you are watching TV, working on the computer, or reading a book.
If you don’t want that kind of attention, then you could look for a “sidekick” or “secret admirer.” There’s also “the leader of the band,” which means laughter and fun for everyone. If you really want something special, then take a look at the “love bugs.” Those cats must have fur made from Velcro.
But don’t take those designations too seriously. A sidekick or secret admirer can turn into a personal assistant with the drop of a whisker. After all, we are cats, and we do have minds of our own.
The staff also is there to help with whatever problems might occur with the adopted felines. I’m always available for consultation, and the quality of my advice gets better if you feed me a few treats.
As you can see, I do work hard, and some folks think I should be taking a vacation once in a while. I’ve looked at brochures for Catalina Island and the Catskills, and they look like nice places to visit. Maui might be fun for a few days (I like the name). I’ve also thought about taking a 12-day cruise on a catamaran, where I could have catnip on demand.
But it’s probably best that I stay here, since that crash took away most of my nine lives. Besides, they need me here at Simply Cats, where I have a purrfect life.
Chuck Malloy, a long-time Idaho journalist and columnist, is a writer with the Idaho Nonprofit Center/Idaho Community Foundation. He may be reached at ctmalloy@outlook.com